


Do You Love Me Like You Used To?

by noonaofdarkness



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Romance, break up make up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:59:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7827709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noonaofdarkness/pseuds/noonaofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun’s never visited Busan before. But when he runs into his ex, he can’t help but feel that everything is a little too familiar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Love Me Like You Used To?

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the Best Coast song of the same name.

* * *

  
It’s somewhere around the Daegu KTX station that Baekhyun starts to have second thoughts about this impromptu Busan vacation. This is after Kyungsoo’s fourth rejection of his attempt to order a waffle from the snack cart and about the billionth kick to his seat from the over-excited toddler behind him.

He only entertains the thought for a moment though, because he quickly realizes that a week in Busan could be just the change of pace he needs after the hectic year and half he’s had. Lack of snacks and over-enthusiastic toddlers aside, this is going to be a good week, Baekhyun can feel it. No calls from Jessica in a panic about the latest press release; no awkward company dinners; no Joonmyun, who still can’t take a hint and continues to suggest they go out for drinks after work.

Instead, he’ll have a week with two of his closest friends in a city he’s never visited before despite living in Korea his entire life. Not to mention, Minseok managed to book them reservations at a hotel only a couple blocks from Haeundae beach.

 

 

From Busan station, it’s a windy tour of Busan via taxi before they reach the hotel. The swanky looking building is nestled between the main drag and the beach itself. Baekhyun wonders if their room will offer a view of the ocean, or if part of Minseok’s mega-hotel deal involved booking rooms that face the fish market instead of Haeundae. Minseok charges ahead to check in while Baekhyun and Kyungsoo handle the luggage stowed away in the trunk during the short ride. They enter the lobby a few minutes later, expecting to find Minseok alone (save the set of room keys he should have acquired).

Instead, they see Minseok chatting away with two tall men who have their backs turned to the entrance. His gummy smile is in full force as he waves his hands -- and their room keys -- excitedly along with whatever the three are discussing.

When Minseok catches their eyes, he smiles brightly and waves them over. There’s something else in his smile akin to a warning, and Baekhyun realizes all too late that perhaps he should have heeded it.

“Look who I ran into,” Minseok says when the pair approach the two unknown men and their companion. “I guess our little trip is also a mini college reunion now.” Baekhyun directs his attention to the two towers to Minseok’s left.

Beside Minseok stand two _very_ familiar faces. One is Oh Sehun, a college acquaintance who Baekhyun has vivid memories of watching him standing on the stage of the campus cafe attempting spoken word.

The other is none other than his ex, Park Chanyeol.

In an instant, Baekhyun’s face is burning. He’s pretty sure his stomach is simultaneously lodged in his throat _and_ about to fall out his ass -- which was something he never thought possible. (But he also never thought running into Chanyeol hundreds of kilometers from Seoul was possible, and he already stands corrected on that front.)

“Hey, Kyungsoo, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol smiles almost formally and Baekhyun pretends not to notice how Chanyeol’s eyes remain locked on him. He extends a hand, to shake with Kyungsoo, and Baekhyun notices that Chanyeol appears to have become every bit of the businessman he once dreamed of being.

When Chanyeol’s hand extends in front of him, Baekhyun hesitantly takes it -- Chanyeol’s firm grip and formality makes it feel cold and impersonal. Not that Baekhyun wants their first meeting after years to be all warmth and butterflies, but this... it’s too formal, too stiff to be like the Chanyeol he once knew. He pulls his hand from Chanyeol’s grip as soon as politely possible and gives the taller a tight smile, but still refuses to meet his eyes full on.

He’s imagined this moment before -- years ago when the wounds were still fresh and certain neighborhoods of Seoul became ominous nightmares for him at the chance of running into his ex.

However, all those resentful one-liners he so passionately rehearsed in the bathroom mirror three years ago die on his tongue as soon as Chanyeol smiles at him -- a smile filled with warmth that contrasts his cold, impersonal hand shake. A smile Baekhyun remembers all too well.

Baekhyun doesn’t know if he wants to run, or ask a million questions. A part of him wants to start crying right there, but he also still wants to look hot (and he is definitely not a pretty crier, as Kyungsoo never fails to remind him each time they re-watch _Bridge to Terabithia_ ).

“What are you doing here?” He blurts, surprising himself a little that the words slipped out so brusquely.

“We’re here for work training!” Sehun says a little too proudly, ignoring Baekhyun’s perhaps rude tone. All the while, Chanyeol’s eyes remain on Baekhyun and the warmth in his smile Baekhyun saw moments before fades into unease before Chanyeol catches himself.

Kyungsoo cuts in with some anecdote about the weather and Baekhyun pulls his eyes away from Chanyeol, fighting the urge to obviously check his ex out out and make note of every difference he can spot. He’s dyed his once black hair a shade of light brown, his clothes are considerably more stylish than the jeans and t-shirt combos of his college days — is that pocket protector?

Seeing Chanyeol’s put-together exterior, Baekhyun wonders if Chanyeol still wears his favorite Superman boxers, or if -- like the rest of his wardrobe -- Chanyeol has graduated to sophisticated solid colored boxer-briefs.

But mostly, Baekhyun wonders if similar assessments are running through Chanyeol’s mind as well.

“And you’re staying here?” Kyungsoo asks, continuing to attempt to breach the awkward atmosphere between Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

“Yup, they’re here for the week too,” Minseok answers for the pair.

“How convenient,” Baekhyun mumbles through gritted teeth. He knows what’s coming next, and he does not want to hear it.

“If you two have free time, why don’t we all catch up over some drinks?”

 

 

 

“Chanyeol’s ears are just as large as I remember them,” Kyungsoo says flatly once they’ve keyed into their shared room.

“And he’s probably just as big of an ass still, too. I can’t believe Minseok invited them to dinner with us,” Baekhyun huffs, throwing himself face-down onto the neatly made bed closest to the window, claiming it as his own.

“It’s been three years, Baekhyun. I think you can handle dinner and a few drinks with Chanyeol.”

“You aren’t the one who got dumped.” Baekhyun grunts, his voice muffled by the fluffy duvet.

“No, but I also know for a fact that you and Chanyeol are different people now. Maybe you two could even be friends.”

Baekhyun looks up to glare at Kyungsoo, “Chanyeol and I were never friends.”

\------------------------------------

They’d met in a dimly lit booth in the back corner of his favorite campus bar.

Baekhyun had seen Chanyeol around campus before but thought little of it when Jongdae introduced them casually as Chanyeol took the seat next to Baekhyun. He was obviously new to the friend group, if not entirely out of place. At first, Baekhyun had been peeved by the tall man’s nervous fidgeting, but as Chanyeol had downed more alcohol, he began to relax in his stool.

It was in that first drunken haze that Chanyeol had turned to Baekhyun — a man he’d barely said three words to in the hour and a half they’d been sitting next to each other — and said two words that nearly knocked Baekhyun off his stool.

“You’re beautiful.”

It wasn’t like it was the first time Baekhyun had heard the compliment. But Chanyeol had said it so simply, so earnestly that Baekhyun felt his face heat up. The music in the background faded to silence and Baekhyun couldn’t tear his eyes away from the six foot something drunk man blatantly staring at him in fascination.

Baekhyun had chuckled nervously, despite himself, breaking the tension of the moment as Chanyeol realized what he had said and quickly excused himself to the restroom. Minutes later, Baekhyun watched Chanyeol bid his friends farewell and stumble towards the exit of the club without sparing him another glance.

_What an odd guy_ , he’d thought to himself at the time. But, Chanyeol’s simple compliment continued to echo through his mind for the remainder of the evening... and every time they ran into each other in the months that followed.

He’d never seen Park Chanyeol coming, and once he realized he was falling, he was already a goner.

\------------------------------------

After they settle in their respective rooms, Minseok, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun decide to take a quick stroll along Haeundae and Dongbaekseom Island. Baekhyun is relieved that they decided to visit in early spring, as the usually crowded beach is currently nearly deserted -- save the aggressive seagulls who swoop dangerously close to their heads every few meters. As much as Baekhyun loves watching ahjummas battle umbrellas in the summertime, this vacation is all about relaxing and getting away from the hustle bustle. As such, Baekhyun appreciates the quiet stroll, the distant crash of the waves and the subtle warmth of early spring sunlight.

A brisk spring breeze blows through their hair as they walk along the stairs that scale the rocky cliffs of Dongbaekseom, finally reaching the main lookout point that faces away from the city and towards the vast sea. The openness of it all is enough that Baekhyun momentarily forgets about the stresses back home... and the awkward dinner looming only a couple hours from now.

 

 

But distractions can only last so long, and before he’s ready it’s seven thirty and they’re due to meet Chanyeol and Sehun down in the lobby.

“Play nice,” Kyungsoo warns in the elevator. Baekhyun sticks out his tongue. (Childishness has always been his default defence mechanism, and he doesn’t want Kyungsoo to know how nervous he really is about being in the same space with Chanyeol for a few hours.)

Chanyeol has changed out of the suit he was wearing earlier and is now sporting much more casual attire. Baekhyun tries not to admire how good Chanyeol looks with his hair pushed back and his long legs fit snugly in a pair of dark-wash jeans. To distract himself, Baekhyun reminds himself that this is Park Chanyeol, his ex. Park -- _I need to focus on myself for a while_ \-- Chanyeol. The asshole whose name he’d drunkenly banned from conversation for months, aka Park Ass-hyeol.

Thankfully, they don’t linger around the lobby too long before they’re setting off on foot towards a beach-side restaurant, Minseok leading the way. Baekhyun makes a point of attaching himself to Kyungsoo to avoid conversing with Chanyeol the entire walk there.

His luck runs out once they’re seated in the restaurant though, and Baekhyun finds himself sitting directly across from his ex. Chanyeol smiles at him apprehensively, as if he’s asking if this is okay, and Baekhyun shrugs before distracting himself with the menu hung on the wall.

While Minseok, Sehun and Chanyeol are debating over which meat course to order, Kyungsoo leans over to whisper in Baekhyun’s ear, “Stop being a dick and just talk to him. You can’t ignore him forever, you know.”

Baekhyun knows Kyungsoo is right, but it doesn’t stop him from flipping him off discretely while no one else is paying attention. Nonetheless, he makes a point to smile at Chanyeol apologetically and join in on the conversation at hand. Kyungsoo’s right, he can’t be a dick forever and there’s no point in sulking the whole evening -- especially when he’s on vacation to have a good time.

Conversation between the group begins to flow naturally once the food is ordered. It’s been years, so there’s a lot of a catching up to do on all ends. When it comes to the topic of work, Baekhyun is all too proud to share that he is a PR agent for a reputable entertainment company.

“That must be a real bitch when scandals break,” Sehun comments.

“Oh, you don’t even know the half of it,” Baekhyun warns, rolling his eyes. “And what about you two? Still working for the same hotel chain?”

“Yup,” Chanyeol butts in, “I’m an executive officer for the international relations department, Sehun is a manager in HR.”

Baekhyun smiles cordially, but the mention of the hotel chain leaves a bitter taste in his mouth -- even if he’s the one who brought it up. Afterall, Chanyeol being hired by the company had played a pretty big role in their break-up.

“You two seem to have done pretty well for yourself,” Kyungsoo says, not missing Baekhyun’s grimace. “Now, I don’t know about you all, but I came here to forget about work. Anyone up for some soju?”

Baekhyun agrees all too quickly.

 

They’re all more than a little buzzed, stomachs full and content, when Minseok suggests they take the party elsewhere. The five men file into a taxi, Baekhyun sitting in Kyungsoo’s lap, for a quick ride over to Gwangali Beach -- an evening spot popular with the twenty something population and foreign tourists alike.

They end up at Thursday Party, partially because it has an excellent view of Gwanggan Bridge, and partially -- Baekhyun is convinced -- so that Chanyeol can show off his English skills. Baekhyun’s heard of Thursday Party before, since it’s a popular bar chain all over the country. He also knows people only go to Thursday Party for two reasons: to get laid, or to get remarkably drunk off of their cheap mixed drinks.

The music is loud, as are the patrons. The bar is also far too small to be so popular, but that doesn’t stop everyone from trying to cram into the establishment. Baekhyun manages to snag the group a table near the front window while Chanyeol offers to go order drinks for everyone.

Baekhyun feels considerably less tense than he did earlier in the evening -- thanks in part to the soju -- and he can’t fight the curve of his lips when he sees Chanyeol stumbling through the crowd trying not to spill the drinks in his hand. He has that familiar look of concentration on his face that reminds Baekhyun of when they used to study together in the library for hours on end.

“One gin and tonic,” Chanyeol shouts over the music, setting a glass down in front of Baekhyun and taking the open seat next to him. “I have no idea how you still drink those.” Chanyeol sticks out his tongue in disgust.

“Not everyone can stomach sugary drinks like you can,” Baekhyun defends, pointing at Chanyeol’s vodka cranberry. His drink of preference hasn’t changed either.

“You know what they say,” Chanyeol counters, “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

“And helps it all come back up a few hours later…” Baekhyun singsongs in warning. He’s surprising himself with how naturally the banter comes, but soju has always made him a bit less inhibited.

Chanyeol barks in laughter, smiling over at Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s stomach is doing that weird flippy thing it seems to only do in Chanyeol’s presence, and he doesn’t like it one bit.

Thankfully, the moment is interrupted by Minseok raising his glass in a toast. “To vacation!”

It would be the first of many toasts that evening.

\------------------------------------

It had taken three months of awkward run-ins before Baekhyun and Chanyeol held their first proper conversation. Alcohol was on Chanyeol’s side as he once again joined Baekhyun’s friend group for an evening of drinking. Chanyeol was more chatty than usual, and Baekhyun caught him staring more than once.

Thanks in part to drunken reasoning (and confidence), Baekhyun decided the best way to resolve the tension that had been building between himself and Chanyeol for the past few months was to drag a slightly less intoxicated Chanyeol into a bathroom stall and kiss him silly.

Of course, kissing soon escalated into wandering hands and muffled moans into each other’s shoulders as Baekhyun’s hand bravely unbuttoned Chanyeol’s pants before sliding inside. Chanyeol mirrored Baekhyun’s movements and soon the two were lost in a rush for completion, lips messily moving against each other all the while.

“ _Can I take you out sometime_?” Chanyeol had mumbled afterwards, breathing heavily into Baekhyun’s hair.

Baekhyun didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the post-orgasm rush, but he didn’t think he’d ever smiled as wide as he did when he nodded and whispered ‘ _I’d like that_ ’ into Chanyeol’s chest.

Their first ‘official’ date had followed a week later.

\------------------------------------

 

Baekhyun wakes up the next morning, still fully clothed laying atop the covers of his bed. The cuffs of his pants feel damp and he’s pretty sure there’s sand between his toes. When he dares crack his eyes open, the room is entirely too well lit and something is rising up in his stomach.

He almost flies to the toilet.

 

“Dear God, _what happened_ last night?” Baekhyun asks once he emerges from bathroom. His head's a mess, and he really wishes he could remember exactly what he drank to land himself in such a pained state this morning.

“Good morning to you too,” Kyungsoo is sitting up in his bed, reading through the morning news on his tablet. Kyungsoo is one of those remarkable humans that never seems to be hungover -- or he’s just very good at hiding his internal pain. Kyungsoo finally looks up from his tablet and at Baekhyun, pursing his lips in consideration for a moment, “And… that all depends on which part of last night you’re asking about.”

“Oh, God,” Baekhyun groans. Baekhyun knows when Kyungsoo is vague, it means trouble.

“Are you talking about before or after you and Chanyeol decided to frolic on the beach?”

“We _what_?” The nun in _the Sound of Music_ ‘frolics.’ Baekhyun most certainly _does not._

“Your words not mine,” Kyungsoo states plainly, turning his attention back to his tablet. “Or are you talking about when you kissed Chanyeol?”

“I _WHAT!?_ ” Baekhyun shrieks and immediately grimaces in pain.

Kyungsoo chuckles lowly under his breath, and for the first time Baekhyun realizes exactly how much Kyungsoo reminds him of Plankton from Spongebob.

“Yup. Somewhere during your drunken frolic, you grabbed him by the ears, said ever-so-eloquently ‘ _why are there three of you?_ ’ and laid one on him. None too gracefully, might I add.”

Baekhyun’s head is spinning. With each detail Kyungsoo provides, another bit of the evening comes back to him. He remembers downing several (too many) shots. He remembers the way he decided Chanyeol had an awfully comfortable shoulder, and Chanyeol’s loud laughter. He also remembers grabbing Chanyeol by the wrist and dashing across the street onto Gwangali Beach. He recalls something about pretending to be Beyonce in the “Drunk in Love” music video until Chanyeol tried to make him get up from the sand... and he now definitely remembers kissing one of the three Park Chanyeols he dizzily stared up at.

“ _Or…_ ” Kyungsoo continues while Baekhyun considers finding a pillow to scream in, “are you talking about how you puked on his feet immediately after?”

Baekhyun is so fucked.

 

 

“So I was thinking we could check out Hyangneyonsan tonight,” Kyungsoo says over lunch. Baekhyun is laying with his head on the table, hungover out of his mind. He can’t believe Minseok and Kyungsoo are able to function like normal humans. He is dumbfounded by the fact that Sehun and Chanyeol both managed report for training at eight am sharp. “I already texted Sehun and he says he and Chanyeol are free. Plus, they’ve got a car. So they can drive us.”

“You guys seriously need to stop inviting them along,” Baekhyun mumbles grumpily, rolling his head to the side to shoot Kyungsoo a death glare.

“You and Chanyeol seemed to be getting along fine last night,” Minseok points out. “Well, until the part where you puked all over him. That was kind of gross. The cab driver had to roll down all the windows the entire ride home to combat the smell of alcohol and bad decisions.”

“My point exactly,” Baekhyun looks up, “I’ve already embarrassed myself enough for one vacation, can’t we just call it a day?” He pleads.

“Nope,” Kyungsoo butts in firmly, “As long as you stay away from the tequila shots -- and Chanyeol’s lips -- you should be fine.”

“You’re such an ass,” Baekhyun pouts. “And everyone knows tequila is my weakness. Who the hell bought those shots?”

Minseok smiles sheepishly, raising his hand. “Guilty.”

“I need new friends.” Baekhyun facepalms back into the wooden table, immediately groaning in pain.

 

Seeing Chanyeol again is awkward to say the least. Thankfully, no one brings up his little performance the evening before. Hopefully, Chanyeol was also too drunk to recall the embarrassing events on the beach.

Sehun greets them with a friendly smile in the lobby. He pats Baekhyun’s back and asks, “How’s the head, hyung?”

Baekhyun grimaces and he can hear Minseok giggling behind him.

He and Chanyeol avoid eye contact as they file into Chanyeol’s car. His ex boyfriend already has the GPS set, and they spend the majority of the ride singing along to the radio instead of conversing.

“No one told me we had to _hike_ ,” Chanyeol says once the car is parked in a pull over area halfway up the mountain. Apparently, they’re only allowed to drive halfway up before the rest of the journey has to be completed by foot.

“Come on, Chanyeol. It’s the best night view in Busan. Stop complaining and let’s get moving,” Sehun coaxes.

“I’ll buy us all some hot chocolate after,” Kyungsoo adds, hoping it’ll be enough motivation. Immediately, Chanyeol beams. He’s always loved sugary drinks.

Much like Chanyeol, Baekhyun isn’t too excited about the hike. The path is muddy and steep, he didn’t pack appropriate footwear for this kind of activity. He holds in his complaints though, as he knows Kyungsoo will only fire back with some snarky response before making him continue the hike anyway. Plus, he does actually want to see the mountain lookout atop Hyangneyonsan. The smoke tower at the peak is illuminated in a rainbow of colors, and the closer they get to it, the more excited he becomes.

All of Chanyeol’s complaints die on his lips once they reach the summit, as do Baekhyun’s internal groans. No one in the group realizes exactly how high up they are until they look out over the city, which looks like a well-lit ant farm below them. Cars are barely visible on the roads and the city’s buildings blend together in a pattern of lit of yellow and gold dots. All the sounds of the city are drowned out by the calm of the night.

Baekhyun finds some peace in the quiet. The mountaintop provides quite an expanse of lookout points, and Baekhyun settles at one of them alone on the far edge when the group breaks up for some independent exploration.

He looks out over the city and feels and odd sense of satisfaction in how small the view makes him feel.

He’s only able to appreciate the view independently for so long. Soon enough, he hears footsteps approaching him. He glances over his shoulder and sees Chanyeol stumbling along, hands tucked in his pockets to combat the chilly evening breeze.

Chanyeol wordlessly settles himself beside Baekhyun and they look out over the lights of Busan.

“Well fuck me,” Chanyeol says eloquently, breaking the calm silence. “The hike was definitely worth it. This is beautiful.”

Baekhyun has no appropriate retort aside from nodding his head in agreement.

Baekhyun opens his mouth to speak several times in the moments that follow, but his thoughts can’t manage to breach the silence. Something about the air between them feels much more intimate when accompanied by the lovely view and quiet calm of the evening. It’s unfamiliar to both of them after growing up in a busy city like Seoul.

“Sorry about your shoes,” Baekhyun finally remembers to say, more than a little embarrassed.

Chanyeol laughs, “Don’t worry about it. Plus, it’s all kind of a blur anyway. If Sehun hadn’t told me about it, I’m pretty sure I would have thought I did it myself. I was a mess last night -- woke up on the floor of the bathroom this morning with one leg still in my jeans. Well, Sehun woke me up as he kicked me out of the way so he could pee.”

“Ouch,” Baekhyun grimaces, suddenly very thankful that he managed to make it into his bed. “But really, I am sorry.”

“Don’t stress,” Chanyeol says casually, “I’ll find a way for you to make it up to me somehow.”

While Baekhyun doesn’t like the idea of owing Chanyeol anything, he’s relieved that Chanyeol doesn’t bring up the kiss. (Or the frolicing. He still can’t believe he did that.)

“It’s nice to get away from everything for a bit, isn’t it?” Chanyeol asks quietly once Baekhyun begins to snap a few shots of the view on his cell phone.

Baekhyun can’t tell if Chanyeol is actually asking him, or mindlessly voicing his thoughts, so he hums in agreement but says nothing more.

“It’s strange to think that I’m twenty eight now, and everything feels just as uncertain as it did when I was twenty four.” Chanyeol says moments later. “You know, I always thought it would be go to college, do my military service, complete my degree, land a good job, work my way up, and then everything would magically be settled.”

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun finally speaks, realizing Chanyeol isn’t stopping his self-reflection any time soon. He’s also genuinely curious as to what Chanyeol is getting at.

“I don’t know... I guess, I was always brought up to think that if I just worked hard and stayed focused, everything would fall into place.” Chanyeol sighs.

“Well, didn’t it? I mean, you got the job you wanted, you seem successful. What’s missing?” Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol has done pretty well for himself, all of the goals he had laid out in college have been accomplished. Chanyeol’s on top of his game nowadays, right?

“That’s the complicated part,” Chanyeol chuckles sardonically. “When I was twenty-four I was so pre-occupied with getting my future in order… I never stopped to think about my goals beyond a career. What would actually make me _happy_ when I wasn’t working my ass off.”

“Maybe you need a hobby,” Baekhyun offers, tactfully preventing Chanyeol from elaborating. At one point, Baekhyun considered himself to be someone that actually made Chanyeol happy, but obviously that has changed.

Chanyeol forces a chuckle before whispering a quiet, “Yeah, maybe.” He looks at Baekhyun like he wants to say more, but instead he silently turns on his heels and walks away.

Baekhyun is left alone with the city, wondering exactly why Chanyeol felt the need to confess such things to him.

 

They drive home in relative silence, Chanyeol still lost somewhere in his own head and Baekhyun caught up in the memories Chanyeol’s little introspection had provoked.

When they return to their hotel room, Baekhyun makes quick work of readying himself for bed before throwing himself under the sheets.

Kyungsoo probably knows something is up, but he doesn’t push Baekhyun and allows him to drift off into a fitful sleep.

\------------------------------------

 

Back in college, Baekhyun had admired how driven Chanyeol was. He was a man with goals, and he knew how to achieve them. While Baekhyun was changing majors every semester, Chanyeol was moving ahead at full force, crossing items off of his to-do list left and right.

Chanyeol was stability. Always responsible, always prepared; thorough in everything he did, and committed to a fault. His obligations in the final year of college had been so overwhelming that Baekhyun used to joke that he bet Chanyeol even scheduled when they would have sex.

Yet, even in all that hustle and bustle, Chanyeol never failed to make Baekhyun feel loved, wanted -- and Baekhyun worked to ensure Chanyeol felt the same.

Chanyeol was a day planner filled with color-coded post-its, and ever-afraid-of-commitment Baekhyun felt a strange satisfaction when his name began to fill half of them.

Of course, he couldn’t ignore the way Chanyeol seemed more and more run down the closer they got to graduation. He didn’t miss the way Chanyeol jumped every time his phone rang, or how he would wake up in the night to find the bed space beside him cold. He’d crawl out of bed only to find Chanyeol at his desk, illuminated by the screen of his laptop while he obsessively edited his CV.

Baekhyun had thought back then that the stress was temporary, something they would work through together. He too was feeling the pressures of impending adulthood. All they had to do was graduate, and then they could begin the life together they’d always talked about with an apartment and maybe even a dog. They’d get through it together.

 

Baekhyun had so much faith in Chanyeol, and their relationship’s success that he completely missed the cracks beginning to form between them.

\------------------------------------

 

Kyungsoo drags Minseok and Baekhyun to Yonggungsa temple in the early hours of the morning. Neither Baekhyun nor Minseok have a particularly strong interest in Buddhist Temples, but Kyungsoo is a sucker for this kind of stuff and they’re ‘ _all in this together_ ’ according to Minseok.

In spite of his complaints of it being entirely too early and too cold, Baekhyun can’t deny that Yonggungsa really is quite breathtaking. The temple grounds are situated alongside the rocky ocean cliffs and the sea breeze blends with the ritualistic chants while the greyness of the rocks is contrasted by the vibrant colors of each temple building. It’s nothing that could ever be properly captured in a photograph, but Baekhyun still tries.

They’re walking along the arched bridge of the compound when Baekhyun catches Kyungsoo smiling down at his phone.

“Who are you texting?” Baekhyun asks, as if he doesn’t know the answer already.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo looks up from his phone, “Just sending some pictures to Jongin. He loves this kind of traditional stuff.”

“It’s a shame he couldn’t come along with us,” Baekhyun comments. Jongin, Kyungsoo’s partner and also a middle school teacher, wasn’t unable to take the time off from work to join them -- the school year just began a couple weeks ago and he’s up to his chin in lesson plans back in Seoul at the moment.

“You’re probably lucky he didn’t,” Kyungsoo jokes, “He’s even more into the touristy shit than I am, being a history major and all. Plus, you would have had to room with Minseok, and we both know he’s a complete dick in the morning.” Kyungsoo laughs.

“Fair point,” Baekhyun acknowledges. “How are you two doing by the way?”

“Me and Jongin?” Kyungsoo asks a little perplexed by the question, “We’re good as ever.”

Kyungsoo and Jongin had a notoriously rocky relationship back in college. Though they’ve grown and matured into adults now, Baekhyun can’t help but check in every now and then. Truthfully, he’s amazed they managed to stick together through all the ups and downs they used to go through. But, Baekhyun supposes, some things are just meant to be.

“Good. I’m happy for you,” He looks over to see Kyungsoo smiling fondly at his phone once again, reading yet another message from Jongin. He tries not to think about how much he misses loving someone that much.

\------------------------------------

 

Ironically, back in college, everyone thought Baekhyun and Chanyeol were the couple that would last, while Kyungsoo and Jongin were expected to break up every other week.

Baekhyun was always the one to comfort Kyungsoo back then, though Kyungsoo was never the type to sit around and cry. No, when he was hurt he tended to focus all his aggression onto their shared dorm room. Baekhyun could always tell when Kyungsoo and Jongin had riled each other up because he would return to their dorm to find Kyungsoo obsessively rearranging the furniture, cleaning out his closet, or frustratingly battling a fitted sheet of the new bed set he purchased in his anger.

The episodes were generally short lived because within a few hours, Jongin would always show up at their door looking like a kicked puppy -- or perhaps shitfaced -- and before Baekhyun had time to fully exit the room the couple would be engaged in a lip lock that was far too intimate for anyone else to witness.

On such evenings, Baekhyun would make his way over to Chanyeol’s single dorm room to give the couple the privacy they needed. Baekhyun never really minded staying over at Chanyeol’s, or having to wear one of Chanyeol’s t-shirts to class the following day. He loved falling asleep in Chanyeol’s arms and couldn’t wait for the days when they would be able to wake up together every morning in their own apartment, far away from the drama of turbulent college relationships.

Perhaps Baekhyun was a bit of an ass back then, but he always felt a little proud that he and Chanyeol seemed to have their shit together unlike every other set of couples in their friend group.

Funny how things turned out in the end.

\------------------------------------

 

Sehun and Chanyeol have Friday free, so the group decides to visit Jangali Fish Market in the early afternoon. Baekhyun has no idea why they’re visiting a fresh fish market, but apparently it had been Chanyeol’s suggestion.

The way Baekhyun sees it, Chanyeol only would suggest a fish market for one of two reasons. One: Chanyeol has a genuine interest in the fish industry. Or two: Chanyeol has something up his sleeve. Since Baekhyun can’t imagine Chanyeol giving up his career to go all _Life Aquatic_ anytime soon, he assumes it’s the latter.

It doesn’t take long after entering the market to figure out Chanyeol’s motivations.

“I’ve always wanted to haggle with an ahjumma in a market,” Chanyeol rejoices, rubbing his hands together excitedly as the group passes the first few stalls of dried fish and prawns. He looks like a kid in a candy store, which is odd considering the market smells nothing like sweets and everything like fish guts and saltwater.

“He couldn’t do that at a market back in Seoul?” Kyungsoo asks skeptically under his breath while he and Baekhyun trail behind.

“Never really had the chance,” Chanyeol responds, looking over his shoulder. Baekhyun forgot how sharp Chanyeol’s hearing can be -- must be the ears. “Plus, this is one of the most famous fish markets in the country. It’s like a double victory!”

 

Minseok and Sehun decide around five minutes in to ditch the market to go sample some Nampo street food. Kyungsoo points out that there are pleanty of food stalls inside the market, but the pair skip off anyway, yelling something along the lines of “enjoy your fish guts!”

Chanyeol continues to wind his way through the crowded market -- leaving Kyungsoo and Baekhyun to trail curiously behind him -- until he settles on a particular fish stand to test out his haggling abilities. The stand is staffed by a tiny ahjumma -- clad in purple sweat pants and a floral print parka -- who shouts at patrons with a voice that comes out impossibly loud for her tiny stature. Once Chanyeol approaches the stand, all seriousness disappears from her face and she looks up at him like he’s six feet of sunshine incarnate. Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol actually stands a chance of achieving his goal today, and nods his head in approval.

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo observe from a distance as Chanyeol alternates between his most serious face and his attempt at being charming with the little ahjumma who is -- from the looks of it -- eating it up. Chanyeol is a handsome guy after all, ahjummas usually have a soft spot for him and his blinding smile.

“What’s he going to do with the fish though?” Kyungsoo whispers to Baekhyun as they look on at the spectacle.

“No clue,” Baekhyun shrugs, “I’m not entirely convinced he thought that far ahead.”

Their commentary is soon interrupted by the ringing of Kyungsoo’s cell phone. It’s a call from Jongin, so Kyungsoo excuses himself to go catch up with his boyfriend in a more quiet area.

Baekhyun is left alone to observe Chanyeol. He watches as Chanyeol dons his most winning smile, and he can’t help his amused -- and perhaps fond -- expression as he takes in his oversized ex-boyfriend trying to flirt with an ahjumma that can’t be more than five feet tall.

While the scene is certainly entertaining, Baekhyun feels a little odd just staring at Chanyeol from a distance -- he remembers how that same smile used to also win him over whenever they argued -- so he turns his attention to the octopus tanks in the opposite direction.

Baekhyun is watching a particularly lively octopus when he suddenly feels a gentle hand on the curve of his waist.

Baekhyun jumps a little at the sudden contact, but relaxes slightly when his nose picks up the aftershave he’s all too familiar with. Baekhyun can’t help the way he leans into the touch reflexively.

“Hey,” Chanyeol says over his shoulder, Baekhyun is a little too shocked (and his cheeks a little too red) to turn around and face Chanyeol just yet.

The market _is_ crowded, so Baekhyun assumes that Chanyeol has probably been pushed up against him when he feels Chanyeol’s warm chest against his back. However, soon the hand at his side begins to make it’s way upward. The hand reaches his neck and delicately brushes along his shirt’s neckline.

Baekhyun stiffens, his neck already a sensitive area and Chanyeol’s sudden physical contact only adds to his anxiety.

Suddenly, there’s was a hot breath in his ear as the fingers on his neck graze a little deeper.

“Your tag was sticking out,” Chanyeol’s deep voice drawls into his ear, followed soon by a nervous chuckle.

Both the warm chest and hand finally retreat, and Baekhyun finally exhales. It feels like Chanyeol’s hands were on him for hours, when in reality, the whole incident passes in a matter of seconds.

Baekhyun turns to look at Chanyeol — hoping he isn’t blushing too severely — who greets him with a warm smile. The tip of Chanyeol’s ears are slightly reddened and the observation makes Bakehyun’s stomach do an uncomfortable flip.

Chanyeol proudly raises the bag in his left hand.

“Guess who got a prime raw bass for half price?” Chanyeol boasts excitedly, reminding Baekhyun of an elementary school student who got a “SUPER!” sticker on his spelling test.

Baekhyun raises a brow, “And now what are you going to do with it?"

Chanyeol’s face falls and his eyes widen only slightly.

“I… hadn’t thought about that part,” Chanyeol admits, pulling a face that falls somewhere between guilty and embarrassed.

“Good going,” Baekhyun says seriously, shaking his head and walking away from Chanyeol. Only allowing himself to chuckle once his back is fully turned.

Chanyeol follows Baekhyun silently like a kicked puppy, and Baekhyun is about to put him out of his misery and inform him that there are restaurants in the market that exist for the purpose of cooking purchased fish, when another fish display catches his eye.

He turns on his heels to face Chanyeol.

“How much did you pay for that?” He asks, pointing at the bag accusingly.

“Four thousand won,” Chanyeol says proudly.

Baekhyun directs Chanyeol’s attention to the prices of the stand adjacent to them and Chanyeol’s face falls again as he reads the price of the exact same fish. It’s five hundred won less than his supposed ‘steal.'

“Good job, mister master haggler,” Baekhyun attempts to say as flatly as possible -- but Baekhyun’s laughter can’t be contained after seeing Chanyeol’s face. He pulls out his cell phone instinctively to capture Chanyeol’s forlorn expression.

Chanyeol doesn’t stop him, and continues to pout, hamming it up for the camera. He even willingly stands in front of the price tag, exaggeratedly pouting so Baekhyun can properly document the moment.

 

 

Kyungsoo finds them soon afterwards, and immediately takes to teasing Chanyeol after Baekhyun recounts the tale of “Master Negotiator Park Chanyeol” to him.

They text Sehun and Minseok and tell them to get their butts back to the market so they can cook Chanyeol’s overpriced fish before it goes bad. Following dinner -- and a single round of beers -- Sehun suggests they visit Busan tower since they’re already in the neighborhood.

“I’m so full, I think I might be sick,” Sehun comments as they climb the ridiculous amount of stairs to the park area and the top of the tower.

“Oh, no. Baekhyun is the only one in charge of vomiting on this vacation,” Minseok says authoritatively.

“That was one time!” He protests.

“Don’t worry,” Sehun begins, “I have no intention of kissing Chanyeol before I puke everywhere”

The group goes silent, save the sounds of Chanyeol choking on his own spit. Though he’s a bit concerned, Baekhyun refuses to look over at Chanyeol. Nonetheless he’s pretty sure they’re both blushing the same shade of red at the moment.

Kyungsoo overtakes Sehun only to smack him on the back of the head as he passes. “Idiot,” he mumbles.

“So, how many stairs did the sign say there were?” Minseok asks, pushing through the awkward and charging ahead to follow Kyungsoo.

 

The tower’s view proves to be rather disappointing compared to the view Hyangneyonsan provided them a few evenings before. Nonetheless, they all take their time appreciating what they can after enduring all the steps they climb to reach the top.

Most of their entertainment is provided by Sehun and Minseok -- who make quite the humorous team as they pretend to narrate the inner monologues of the people below them. Even Kyungsoo laughs along as they target the foreign tourists and attempt to speak in the limited English phrases they memorized in school.

The group breaks up to look around a bit more, and Baekhyun’s mind keeps wandering back to the incident in the fish market -- to how natural it had felt when Chanyeol’s hand was on his waist. The thought terrifies him.

“Hey Baekhyun,” A familiar deep voice says from beside Baekhyun. He doesn’t need to glance over to know who it belongs to.

“Hey yourself.”

“I just wanted to say… thank you for letting me tag along this week. I know that Minseok and Kyungsoo are the ones who keep inviting us along, but they wouldn’t have if you didn’t agree.” Chanyeol confesses.

“It’s no problem, Chanyeol. You don’t have to thank me. It’s been nice catching up with the both of you.” Baekhyun isn’t really lying either. He has enjoyed getting to know Chanyeol again, despite the awkward tension that seems to always linger between them. He thinks that now, perhaps, they can be friends. (So long as Sehun stops being an idiot and bringing up their drunken antics.)

“Truthfully, I’m really thankful I ran into you….” Chanyeol continues quietly after a moment of hesitation, “I've really missed you."

With those simple words, all the warmth in Baekhyun’s chest is replaced with anxiety. Baekhyun doesn’t like the feeling of all the air being knocked out of him and he certainly doesn’t appreciate the way his heart beats erratically in the wake of Chanyeol’s confession -- and for the remainder of the evening.

 

_I've missed you. I've missed you. I've missed you._ The words keep ringing through Baekhyun’s mind as he tries to fall asleep that night.

It isn’t fair that Chanyeol can be so genuinely excited to spend time with Baekhyun. Chanyeol is the one who broke _Baekhyun’s_ heart. Chanyeol didn’t have to spend months afterwards wondering what had gone wrong, knowing he would never get the answers he wanted. Chanyeol didn’t have to avoid certain cafes and sandwich shops. Chanyeol’s friends didn’t have to skip around the conversation of Baekhyun for months, thinking Chanyeol could break at any moment. Chanyeol is the one who gets to look back on things fondly before continuing on with his life.

Chanyeol got to spend the months after the break-up dealing with his own life, his own problems; Baekhyun had spent those months battling Chanyeol’s ghost.

Baekhyun is the one who had to live in the heartache, replaying memories and mulling over words and phrases; questioning how he had given his heart to someone who could discard it so callously while staring into cold cartons of Chinese takeout.

Chanyeol has no right to miss Baekhyun. So why does Baekhyun feel a little satisfied that he does?

* * *

 

In many ways, Baekhyun wishes it had been a spectacular ending: broken plates, shattered phone screens, throats screamed raw. At least then, there would have been some feelings of validation, of anger and resentment.

Instead, he saw Chanyeol’s slumped shoulders across the table. He felt the way Chanyeol’s grip had tightened on his hand one last time before withdrawing back across the wood surface.

He rememberes nodding in agreement and watching Chanyeol walk out of his life in the chilly October breeze.

There was nothing spectacular about the silent shattering of his heart.

Chanyeol had been his first and only promise of ‘forever,’ and perhaps he should have been more wary when the taller stopped saying it back.

\------------------------------------

Continental breakfast is a beautiful thing, Baekhyun thinks. It’s one of the only things he’s willing to wake up before 10am on his vacation for. Since it’s the last full day, he definitely won’t miss out on it like he has the previous mornings.

He pads down to the lobby with his bed-head in full force and his pajama pants hanging low on his hip.

Continental breakfast doesn’t judge him.

He picks up his plate and is beginning to scour the selection when someone coughs beside him. He looks over to see Chanyeol, already dressed, looking handsome as ever. Chanyeol’s words from the day previous are still running through his mind and he regrets not taking a few moments to comb through his hair because he knows he looks a little ridiculous.

“Good morning,” Chanyeol says. He looks Baekhyun up and down, “I take it you just woke up?”

“I’ve missed the free breakfast every other morning so far. I was kind of in a rush…” Baekhyun explains, trying not to sound as embarrassed as he is by his frumpy appearance.

“So it’s your last night here,” Chanyeol comments. “This week has gone by so quickly.”

“Unfortunately. Back to the real world tomorrow…” Baekhyun resigns as he eyes the glazed donut selection, moving to grab the tongs.

“Wanna go somewhere with me tonight?” Chanyeol asks suddenly. His hands are stuffed in his pockets and he looks more nervous than he did the first time they met back in college. He’s also looking at Baekhyun with the same expression he had that night and Baekhyun’s stomach twists with nostalgia.

“What?” Baekhyun nearly drops the tongs. This is not suitable conversation before he’s had his cup of morning coffee.

“It’s your last night in Busan, and there’s something I want to show you,” Chanyeol clarifies, shuffling his feet.

“Why me?” Baekhyun scrunches his brow.

“Maybe you’re special,” Chanyeol shrugs, like he didn’t just send Baekhyun’s heart into overdrive with those three words. “And, you owe me for my shoes, don’t think I’ve forgotten.”

“What time?” Baekhyun concedes.

“Let’s meet at seven in the lobby. It’s about an hour ride from here.”

 

 

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows when Baekhyun tells him about his plans for the evening back in the room.

“Are you sure?” He asks Baekhyun cautiously.

“Sure,” Baekhyun says as confidently as possible, “It’s our last night, and I may never see him again. I want us to part on good terms.”

“You could part on good terms by getting drunk with the rest of us tonight on Haeundae beach…” Kyungsoo suggests.

“I think we already know that that wouldn’t end well,” Baekhyun corrects.

“Fair point,” Kyungsoo concedes. “Have fun then.”

 

They spend their final day on Haeundae beach and it’s adjacent cafes. It’s been a great vacation, but they’re all a little anxious to get back to their own beds and the familiarity of Seoul. Minseok says nothing when Baekhyun tells him about his plans for the evening, but Baekhyun doesn’t miss the look Minseok and Kyungsoo exchange a few seconds later.

 

Baekhyun nervously readies himself for the evening. He’s not sure what Chanyeol has planned, and he knows he shouldn’t put so much effort into getting ready, but he can’t help himself. If this is the last time he sees Chanyeol, he wants Chanyeol to remember him looking nice. He wants to have memories of a happy goodbye with Chanyeol.

They meet in the lobby at seven thirty. Chanyeol is also dressed a little nicer for the evening, and Baekhyun feels relief wash over him to know that he’s not the only one who wanted to look nice.

“So where are we going?” Baekhyun asks when they’re already seated in Chanyeol’s car.

“Have you heard of Dadaepo Fountain?” Chanyeol questions.

“I don’t think so…” Baekhyun cocks his head to the side trying to place the name.

“Ah, well, it’s this fountain by Dadaepo beach -- it’s one of the largest fountains in the world actually -- and every night there’s a special light show with music and water works. It’s supposed to be pretty amazing.”

“Oh, I think I have heard of that actually,” Baekhyun says. He pushes aside thoughts of how romantic the whole thing sounds and instead focuses on how beautiful he’s sure the show will be.

“I think you’ll like it a lot,” Chanyeol smiles over at him. “Certainly more than another night of drinking and a hangover during your train ride home tomorrow.”

Baekhyun giggles, Chanyeol has a point there.

 

Upon arrival, Baekhyun realizes there are two groups of people at Dadaepo Fountain: families with small children and couples. He isn’t a huge fan of either.

Baekhyun suggests they take seats on the peripheral bench to get away from the crowd, but as showtime approaches, they find themselves sandwiched between a family with a very active three year old and what he presumes to be a highschool couple.

The show begins with a rendition of “Just the Two of Us.” The song itself is incredibly cringe-worthy, but the lights and burst of water really are spectacular. Baekhyun watches in awe as large spurts of water erupt in perfect time with the music, colors changing and blending into a beautiful mix of rich yellows, purples and blues.

Spectators continue to arrive after the light show begins, cramping Chanyeol and Baekhyun even closer together. While shifting to accommodate more people on the raised benches, Chanyeol unthinkingly wraps a protective arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders.

Baekhyun immediately stiffens in Chanyeol’s hold. For a moment, he’s taken back to college, when Chanyeol used to wrap his arm around Baekhyun only to draw him in impossibly close and sing song lyrics directly into his ear. Baekhyun would playfully squirm in Chanyeol’s hold while the latter only tightened his grip and held him in place. Chanyeol never had a single musical bone in his body -- if his off key singing was any indication -- and his breath tickled Baekhyun’s sensitive neck to the point of insanity, but something about the action always endeared Baekhyun to Chanyeol.

But in the present, Chanyeol is merely making room for those around them. Baekhyun observes other couples playfully mouthing along to the lyrics of the cheesy love song playing over the speakers. He isn’t surprised when he turns his head to be greeted with the sight of Chanyeol smiling and mouthing along as well, the colorful lights flashing on his face.

With his head turned to face the taller, Baekhyun realizes they are entirely too close for friends to be. However, Chanyeol pays no mind, and when he feels Baekhyun’s eyes on him, he looks down briefly to smile and him before gesturing towards the fountain show and encouraging Baekhyun to pay attention.

Chanyeol’s arm remains firmly wrapped around Baekhyun’s shoulder, his fingers occasionally tapping to the beat along Bakehyun’s bicep. Baekhyun spends the remainder of the show observing anything that isn’t Chanyeol, trying to force himself not to think about the look in Chanyeol’s eyes the afternoon before, or how Chanyeol’s arm around him still feels right.

When the show finally concludes after five songs, Baekhyun breathes a sigh of relief. Not only because the bench quickly clears out -- allowing some distance between himself and Chanyeol -- but because the overhead speaker announces that the public is now allowed to _play_ in the fountains and not just _watch_ them.

Sure, it’s a bit on the chilly side, and he’ll probably regret being slightly damp for the remainder of the evening, but he’s probably only going to have this chance once.

Baekhyun flies up from his seat, relinquishing himself from Chanyeol’s hold, before he emits a series of jovial giggles and takes off into the fountain where small children have already begun to play. Forgetting he’s a full grown adult, he gleefully skips around the fountain area, turning back to wave at Chanyeol occasionally. (He’s probably doing something very close to frolicking and he’s thankful that Kyungsoo is nowhere in the vicinity to tease him about it.)

It’s somewhere in the spectacle of watching small children get taken out by gusts of water (while he himself artfully avoids them), that Baekhyun realizes Chanyeol is no longer seated on the bench where he left him.

He briefly wonders where the man has gone until he catches a familiar silhouette on the periphery of the fountain. Squinting, he can see Chanyeol smiling fondly at the children jumping through the bursts of water. As the fountain lights up in a rainbow of colors, Chanyeol also becomes illuminated — which somehow makes his amused smile look even brighter.

Without realizing it, Baekhyun smiles too, completely captivated in observing the way the colors play off of Chanyeol’s now wind-swept hair and loosely hanging windbreaker. His smile only falters slightly when Chanyeol catches him staring and directs his own smile at Baekhyun.

Chanyeol, like this, looks so handsome and carefree; a far cry from the burnt-out student of his past and the stern businessman he’s been re-introduced to this past week. Baekhyun is too captivated to look away.

So, Baekhyun maintains his gaze. Chanyeol raises his eyebrows in a silent question, almost as if he’s asking _why are you looking at me like that?_ Baekhyun doesn’t have an answer, at least not one he could explain easily, so he merely shrugs his shoulders, one corner of his mouth curling upwards.

His entire body tingles. Even he can’t verbalize it, he knows exactly why, but he still refuses to fully acknowledge the shift in atmosphere between them. The way Chanyeol looks at him in this moment takes him back to being in college and stealing glances at one another across cafe tables as they pretended to study diligently (when in reality they were engaged in an aggressive battle of footsie beneath the table).

Without thinking, it seems, Chanyeol begins to make his way towards Baekhyun — never once taking his eyes off him. Baekhyun wonders if Chanyeol sees the same familiarity in his smile at that moment that he sees in Chanyeol’s eyes. For a moment, it’s just them, and neither is aware of their surroundings -- the dozens of families, children and water jets fading into the background as they stare at one another.

Chanyeol walks slowly, maintaining Baekhyun’s gaze all the while. However, the moment is interrupted when a fountain jet erupts directly in front of him, almost drenching him and sending him jolting back in shock.

Baekhyun folds over in laughter, shaking his head. Chanyeol’s shocked expression is priceless, and it’s not long before he’s laughing at himself too.

Baekhyun, while laughing, feels relief that the stare-down has come to an end. Though he can’t fight the odd sensation of disappointment as Chanyeol slowly gathers himself and winds his way around the fountain, watching his own feet instead of Baekhyun.

“Wanna grab a drink?” Chanyeol asks when he’s finally made his way around to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun, still caught up in the surge of nostalgia he had felt moments before, can only nod his head in agreement.

Accepting Baekhyun’s response, Chanyeol surprises him by grabbing his hand and leading him away from the fountain and back towards the beach.

 

They settle at one of the yellow-lit food stalls a few hundred meters from the tide. Baekhyun runs up to purchase two cans of beer while Chanyeol selects a plastic table and gathers two stools.

Once he completes his purchase, Baekhyun seats himself beside Chanyeol, who accepts his beer with a quiet thanks and wastes no time in opening it.

Something between them had changed back at the fountain, and Baekhyun isn’t sure he’s ready to bring it up. There had been something in the way they looked at each other, like they both were remembering the past and enjoying the present simultaneously. It was the same look they’ve been sharing throughout the week -- like they both are _thankful_ to be around each other again, to see each other smile -- but with a touch of something new.

Seeing the tents alongside the beach, Chanyeol soon goes off on a story about a time his family attempted beach camping when he was younger.

But Baekhyun is preoccupied with all the familiar feelings stirring in his gut; in the way Chanyeol’s lips move. The tight space of the small table only aids him as he unconsciously starts to lean in.

He realizes he’s going to kiss Chanyeol only after he notices that Chanyeol is no longer speaking. He looks up from the man’s lips just in time to take in Chanyeol’s wide eyes, clouded over with caution as he also realizes Baekhyun’s intentions.

Instead of pushing Baekhyun away, or awkwardly changing the subject, Chanyeol reaches out to brush Baekhyun’s bangs off his forehead.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Baekhyun thinks he hears Chanyeol whisper. All he knows is that he nods along, and before another second can pass, Chanyeol takes his hand and leads him back up the beach.

 

In some way, Baekhyun knew this would happen from the moment he agreed to go to out with Chanyeol, he just doesn’t want to admit it to himself.

There’s an unspoken agreement when Chanyeol asks Baekhyun if he’d like to come up to his hotel room. Though they avoid each other’s eyes the entire elevator ride up, Baekhyun can’t ignore the growing tension between them — a tension that doesn’t seem to dissipate once they cross the threshold of the hotel room door.

It could be meaningless if Baekhyun would just push Chanyeol up against the door, not even bothering to turn on the light, much less make it the bed; If he skips all pretenses and focuses only on the lust and none of the feelings that came with being around Chanyeol again.

Somehow, Baekhyun can’t bring himself to do that. Instead, Baekhyun toes off his shoes before silently making his way towards the window to appreciate the view. Chanyeol watches him from the doorway.

“Great view you have here, Yeol,” He says after a moment’s consideration, not noticing the use of the old nickname.

Chanyeol hums in agreement. “Remember that night you got a little too excited after Sehun’s show and drunkenly tried to buy a beer for everyone in the bar?" He asks out of nowhere.

“I remember that,” Baekhyun laughs at the memory, still looking out the window, “they all probably needed it after listening to his attempt at spoken word for half an hour."

He _had_ been completely wasted that night. What they both omit discussing is that Baekhyun — after having his drunken generosity cruelly rejected by the bartender — had also pulled a relatively sober Chanyeol into a bathroom stall and drunkenly given Chanyeol something much more enjoyable than a free beer that evening.

“How long did his dabble into spoken word last again?” Chanyeol questions mockingly. Baekhyun turns his body away from the window to lean against the glass and look at Chanyeol. Chanyeol is smiling at him fondly, affectionately, and Baekhyun’s heart feels like it’s about to drop into his stomach when he realizes that Chanyeol never stopped looking at him that way in the first place.

“Hmm.. about two weeks. Exactly the time it took him to get Jinri back, I think.” Baekhyun giggles again, remembering the two weeks of torture disguised as ‘artistic expression’ they endured in the name of being ‘supportive friends.’

Baekhyun is so preoccupied with his trip down memory lane that he misses Chanyeol hesitantly approaching him. His expression shifts from moments before; Chanyeol’s brows now furrowed in concentration, apprehension marring the tight line of his lips. He moves ever so slowly, giving Baekhyun every opportunity to stop him, to tell him it’s time to say goodnight, to turn on a damn light and kill the mood. But Baekhyun makes no such move and instead waits in place until Chanyeol is within arms reach.

“You were always too generous, Baek.” Chanyeol whispers before tracing his fingers along Baekhyun’s forearm. Baekhyun knows Chanyeol isn’t talking about being a good friend to Sehun nor all the drunken free shots he’d promised half of Hongdae.

“Everyone’s entitled to one fatal flaw,” Baekhyun shrugs after a moment, eyes now zeroed in on Chanyeol’s lips.

“Only one?” Chanyeol asks with a raised brow as he leans in towards Baekhyun.

Baekhyun’s eyes flutter shut in anticipation, “What’s yours then?" Baekhyun whispers as their noses brush.

“I get so focused on what I think I want, that I walk away from the things I need.” Chanyeol breathes against Baekhyun’s lips.

Chanyeol doesn’t give Baekhyun a chance to respond before he closes the remaining distance between them.

Their lips brush slightly and Chanyeol exhales in relief before molding his lips against Baekhyun with a firm confidence.

Baekhyun’s hands grip Chanyeol’s forearms, pulling him even closer as he returns the kiss with vigor. There’s something so right about kissing Chanyeol. Something so natural about the way their lips play together; languid and slow, despite the time apart and the rising tension of the past few days.

Baekhyun breaks away from Chanyeol only to back himself up towards the bed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt while holding Chanyeol’s gaze.

Chanyeol remains rooted on the spot, taking in Baekhyun with hungry eyes as Baekhyun undresses himself and lays down on the bed, wordlessly inviting Chanyeol to join him.

Chanyeol takes his time appreciating Baekhyun’s offering before he begins to undress himself as well, approaching Baekhyun with a focus that Baekhyun hasn’t seen before. Like if he blinks, Baekhyun will disappear from atop the neatly made bed.

“Some things never change,” Baekhyun whispers to himself once Chanyeol removes his pants to reveal a pair of Captain America boxers. Chanyeol’s brows furrow in confusion, but Baekhyun only laughs before beckoning Chanyeol closer.

 

They weren’t each other’s firsts, but Baekhyun was the first person to have Chanyeol. The first person nestled between his thighs, comfortingly stroking his finger’s through the taller’s hair as he whimpered at the foreign sensation of each of Baekhyun’s ministrations. He’d been the first to see that vulnerable side of the man who is now hovered over him, laying kisses anywhere his mouth can reach as his hands wander between their bodies, appreciating every curve of Baekhyun’s skin.

The haze of the single beer he had back at the beach has completely faded and Baekhyun is caught up in an entirely different daze. This one made up of the familiar touches Chanyeol manages to lay all over his body. Chanyeol was always gentle, all consuming, and he leaves no surface of Bakehyun’s body untouched.

Baekhyun traces his fingers along Chanyeol’s jaw before tucking them under his chin to gently force their eyes to meet.

“You’re beautiful,” Baekhyun utters, the words slipping out before he can stop himself. Chanyeol’s eyes glisten with a familiar fondness before he leans down to join their lips again.

Chanyeol’s skin tastes like the salty air of Busan, his lips feel like home, and for the remainder of the evening Baekhyun allows himself to be lost in everything that is Chanyeol. He allows himself to feel loved by the man once again, if only for the night.

 

In the aftermath, Baekhyun finds himself half asleep, nestled in familiar arms, with slightly calloused fingers dancing along his ribcage. Just before he surrenders himself to sleep completely, he feels a hot breath on his neck.

“ _I’m sorry,_ ” Chanyeol whispers, perhaps assuming Baekhyun is already asleep.

He doesn’t have the energy to respond before he drifts off completely.

The words, however, plague his dreams — a broken record of Chanyeol saying those same words three years ago.

\------------------------------------

“I got the internship with that hotel chain,” Chanyeol had said entirely too flatly for the excitement the statement should have produced.

“That’s great!” Baekhyun replied, reaching across the table to take Chanyeol’s hand in his own and give it an affectionate squeeze. “I knew you could do it.”

Chanyeol looked down at the table, still not smiling. It was then that Baekhyun knew something was horribly wrong.

“They want me to go train in Daejeon for three months,” Chanyeol said quietly.

“Daejeon is only an hour by train,” Baekhyun re-assured, thinking that Chanyeol was sulking because of the separation his training would entail.

“Yeah, it is.” Chanyeol agreed before drawing a heavy breath and looking up. “Listen, Baek. I think… I think that we should have some time apart.”

“What?” Baekhyun couldn’t have heard Chanyeol correctly.

“I’m going to be so busy with training, and it will only get worse if I actually get hired by the company. I just… don’t think I have time for a relationship anymore.”

“You... you want to break up?” Baekhyun questioned, his voice cracking at the same time his heart shattered.

“I think it’s for the best,” Chanyeol nodded, looking away from Baekhyun whose eyes were already starting to line with tears. “I… I love you, but I don’t think I can give you what you need right now. You didn’t do anything wrong and please, please don’t blame yourself, but I just need some time to focus on myself.” Chanyeol removed his hand from Baekhyun’s grasp.

Baekhyun bit down on his bottom lip, eyes trained on his now empty hand. “You asshole,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol said, reaching across the table in an attempt to comfort Baekhyun, but Baekhyun flinched away from the touch.

“Just go.”

And Chanyeol did.

\------------------------------------

Baekhyun wakes up with his legs tangled between another pair, and the weight of a sloppy head of brown hair resting on his chest.

But that isn’t the only weight on his chest. He tries to sort out his mixed up feelings while staring at the non-descript ceiling above him; fighting the urge to run his fingers through Chanyeol’s messy hair and run his foot along the inside of Chanyeol’s calf the way he knows will make the man chuckle in his sleep.

“G’morning.”

After a moment, he feels the head on his chest move and looks down to meet Chanyeol’s sleep-heavy eyes, accompanied by a small smile as the hand on his side slowly starts rubbing comforting patterns on his hip bone.

For a moment, Baekhyun is caught up in the comfort and familiarity of it all — but only for a moment.

As soon as his lips begin to curl — mirroring Chanyeol’s smile — he catches himself and untangles their limbs, quickly removing himself from the bed.

“This was a mistake,” He says with sudden conviction.

“What?” Chanyeol sits up quickly, much more awake than two seconds previous. Hurt evident in his eyes. Instead of answering, Baekhyun rushes off to the bathroom.

Falling in love with Chanyeol — if history is any indication — only means one thing: Baekhyun will get hurt. He knows from the first time that it’s nothing he can’t endure, but why risk his heart twice?

Baekhyun is halfway through washing his face hurriedly when he hears Chanyeol’s voice from the doorway.

“Last night wasn’t a mistake, Baekhyun and you know it,” Chanyeol says firmly. They make eye contact in the mirror.

“Who says?" Baekhyun asks, defiantly.

“I do! For Christ’s sake, don’t lie to me and tell me you didn’t feel something last night."

“You’re right.” Baekhyun turns to face Chanyeol head on.

Chanyeol is obviously surprised at Baekhyun’s quick agreement, but before he can interrupt, Baekhyun continues.

“I felt _everything_ Chanyeol. I felt all the memories of you and me and how you used to look at me, touch me — how I used to think there was nothing that could keep me away from you, nothing I would ever want more. But you know what I also remember? How much it fucking hurt when you ended it. When I didn’t fit in your plan anymore, you left!"

“But what about this past week? Has it changed nothing? All of that was in the past." Chanyeol pleads.

“It was, but it’s now too. I thought everything was okay at first, that the past really could be put behind us and we could be friends because we’re two different people now. But, it’s still a part of me, you’re still a fucking part of me after everything! Three years and you can walk back into my life and sweep me off my feet all over again. How long before you get scared and run away this time? Hmm?"

“Baekhyun…" Chanyeol tries, moving towards him.

“No! You don’t get to decide when loving me is convenient for you, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says firmly, stepping away.

That seems to shut Chanyeol up. Instead of denying the statement, he turns and exits the bathroom. Baekhyun hears the sounds of Chanyeol fumbling around the hotel room for a few moments followed by the sound of the door quietly shutting.

And for the second time in his life, Baekhyun lets Chanyeol walk away.

 

 

They depart later that afternoon. Baekhyun knows that Minseok and Kyungsoo are fully aware of what transpired the night before (well, the basics of it), and he’s thankful that neither ask questions or look at him with pity. Instead, Minseok comfortingly pats his back as they gather their bags and file into a taxi.

The train ride home is silent, save the screaming thoughts in Baekhyun’s mind. A part of him regrets being so harsh with Chanyeol, another part can’t forget how right the evening before had felt. More than anything though, he realizes he acted out in fear and he can’t seem to wipe Chanyeol’s hurt expression from his mind no matter how many times he tries to justify his actions.

It’s back to the real world, and this time Baekhyun is the one to leave Chanyeol behind.

\------------------------------------

The weeks that had followed their break-up had been hard on Baekhyun to say the least. He still attended his classes, of course, but he felt more like a zombie than a full human. Graduation was supposed to be exciting, yet Baekhyun couldn’t bring himself to be excited about the future when his mind was caught up in the past.

Chanyeol had told him he’d done nothing wrong, but Baekhyun couldn’t help replaying the memories of their relationship, looking for the cracks he may have missed the first time around.

It took a while, but eventually the real world provided Baekhyun enough distraction. He was still reminded of Chanyeol frequently through inconsequential things like Superman logos and extra sweet hot chocolate. He also thought of other things though, like his tasks at work, his plans with his friends and the television series he was slowly becoming addicted to.

Chanyeol never fully left his mind, and the pain of it all still returned when he was left alone with his thoughts in his empty bed at night. But in time, Baekhyun healed.

\------------------------------------

Baekhyun knows he should have seen an intervention coming when Kyungsoo invites him out for drinks on a Thursday night. It’s been a month and a half since their trip to Busan, and Baekhyun knows he hasn’t been completely himself since.

“You’re not over it,” Kyungsoo says abruptly halfway through their second round. Baekhyun doesn’t need to ask to know exactly what Kyungsoo is talking about, but his friend continues anyway. “You’re not over Chanyeol. I’m not even sure you were before we ran into him in Busan.”

“Obviously I am, I’ve dated plenty of people since we broke up. Happily, mind you." Baekhyun defends himself.

“The two things aren’t mutually exclusive, you know. You can date and still have feelings for someone from your past. You could be over someone and fall in love all over again. I mean, there’s a reason none of those relationships lasted after Chanyeol." Kyungsoo muses, trying to be gentle with his words (which has never been his strength).

“My relationship with Chanyeol didn’t last either,” Baekhyun points out, raising his glass before taking a generous gulp.

“But that was for completely different reasons, and you know it. All I’m saying is, maybe he did break your heart years ago. And maybe you did get over it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t fall for the guy again, or that he can’t do the same. You let him walk away once, and you thought about it for years…"

Baekhyun motions to interrupt, but Kyungsoo is quicker.

“I get that you’re afraid of being hurt again and so on, but, sometimes it’s worth a chance, if he’s who will make you happy. I mean, look at me and Jongin. He was a little fuckboy who couldn’t keep his shit together four years ago. Now, he’s home before I am everyday _and_ he’s the one who remembers to pay the damn internet bill every month. If I hadn’t have given him that second chance, not only would I probably never have internet access, but I know I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now.”

When Baekhyun thinks about it, there’s some truth to what Kyungsoo is saying. Sure, he has dated — seriously so — since Chanyeol. There’s Luhan the dance instructor, who was handsome, charming and openly affectionate. There’s Kris, who was a bit serious for Baekhyun’s tastes, but nonetheless was good company and a good sport with all of Baekhyun’s less-than-mature interests at the time. Hell, the guy even took him to Everland despite his crippling fear of roller coasters.

Then, there’s also the collection of other, more short term, relationships that Baekhyun’s had in between as well.

Yes, he has a good collection of exes and happy relationships. But Chanyeol has always been the one who stood out.

Perhaps Baekhyun never got over Chanyeol because he feels he had no say in their relationship’s ending. Chanyeol simply decided one day, and that was that. Something so abrupt still feels like unfinished business. While sleeping with Chanyeol wasn’t meant to cause hurt on either end, Baekhyun knows that a small part of him behaved in such a way the following morning in search of vindication.

But even after seeing Chanyeol — and being the one to end whatever fling they had this time around — something still feels _unfinished._

 

But maybe he and Chanyeol will never really feel finished and he just needs to move on. (Maybe he’s already thrown away the only chance at a second chance he would get because of his own cowardice.)

\------------------------------------

For his birthday, Jongdae plans a roaring night out that he promises no one will remember for years to come. Baekhyun’s wary of the hangover he knows is eminent, but he’s a little excited at the prospect of letting loose after a couple months in a daze of work and buried feelings.

He takes extra care in preparing himself for the evening, choosing his favorite bar outfit and even lining his eyes with a hint of kohl. He knows he will be a hot mess by the end of the night anyway, but he wants to look nice in a few photos _before_ everything goes to shit.

As he exits his building, a familiar voice startles him.

“You know, I still circle your birthday in my day planner every year.”

Baekhyun turns to his left and is greeted by the sight of Chanyeol, shuffling nervously on the sidewalk. Perhaps the evening is going to turn into a shit show before he’s taken a single shot. Suddenly his heart feels like it’s going to explode from his chest.

“How did you know where I live? That’s kind of creepy.” Baekhyun voices, still caught off guard by the ambush.

“I didn’t stalk you or anything,” Chanyeol laughs nervously, shifting his weight. “Kyungsoo added me on facebook while we were still in Busan. He was actually a little more than happy to help me when I asked him how to get in touch with you.”

“That asshole,” Baekhyun mumbles under his breath.

“I think we should talk,” Chanyeol says a bit more seriously. Though the timing is off, Baekhyun doesn’t disagree. So instead he motions for Chanyeol to continue.

“Look, Baekhyun. I’m not going to say I regret everything. I think time apart did us both good. But, the thing is, the entire time, I still missed you. I still wanted you. Even with time to focus on me, I wondered how you were doing — if you’d moved on. If you were _happy_. I didn’t seek you out, because, you’re right, I ended things too callously. _That_ I do regret.” Chanyeol speaks quickly, as if he needs to get it all out before Baekhyun walks away. Like he _needs_ Baekhyun to know this.

“I had my reasons, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t — That I _don’t_ — care about you. Because that was never the case. And I’m sorry that you had to go three years thinking it was. I’m still just as enamored with you as I was back then."

“Your reasons?” Baekhyun interrupts.

Chanyeol looks at him desperately, drawing a deep breath before explaining.

“Senior year, we were both so stressed. We’d spent two years planning this future together with starry eyes and suddenly it looked like none of that was going to happen. You had so much faith in me, and I was scared of disappointing you, myself, my family. My intention was never to break your heart, but I thought that that might have been a better alternative than realizing everything we’d imagined wasn’t actually possible.” Chanyeol finally says, and he looks more and more pained as he continues.

Baekhyun recalls all the faith he _did_ have in Chanyeol back then. He wants to kick Chanyeol for thinking that he would disappoint him -- for thinking that was a legitimate reason to end everything. At the same time though, Baekhyun also sees for the first time how much that decision had and still does pain Chanyeol. It hurts him too.

“But that week together in Busan. Nothing felt wrong…. I don’t want to pick up right where we left off, but I want to date you. And not as the Park Chanyeol you knew three years ago, but as who I am now. And I want the same from you." Chanyeol looks so determined as he finishes his confession.

Baekhyun is a little shocked by the sudden proposition. His head’s still spinning from Chanyeol’s heartfelt explanation and immediately his defenses go up.

“This all happened too quickly, Chanyeol. Up until two months ago, you were part of my past. And now you’re everywhere. You are already too much a part of my life at this point. Past or present.” Baekhyun steps closer to Chanyeol, his body betraying his words.

“I know you’re scared, and you’d be completely justified in rejecting me and telling me to fuck off. I’d deserve it, and I’ll never bother you again if you do. But I saw something in your eyes that night that told me you wanted this, that you _still_ might want this. _Us_. Am I wrong for hoping?” Chanyeol asks.

“It’s not going to be easy for me to just start over with you,” Baekhyun says, meeting Chanyeol’s eyes. Chanyeol’s right, he’s terrified -- but he isn’t sure if he’s more terrified of getting hurt, or of never seeing Chanyeol again.

“We can start slowly?” Chanyeol offers, looking down at Baekhyun with the faintest glimmer of hope in his eyes. He too catches that Baekhyun isn’t explicitly saying _no._

Part of Baekhyun wants to run in the opposite direction, but another part knows that Chanyeol has never, and will never be something he can run away from. In many ways, hadn’t he already made up his mind after his little heart to heart with Kyungsoo?

He can’t guarantee his heart won’t be broken again, but he knows for sure he will regret letting Chanyeol walk away again.

“When have we ever taken things slowly, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun finally asks with more resolve.

“Well, it did take me three months to ask you out….” Chanyeol muses, and Baekhyun can see the hopeful curve of his lips.

“After I jerked you off in a bathroom stall….” Baekhyun quirks an eyebrow.

Chanyeol blushes, still standing there nervously, waiting for Baekhyun to confirm what he hopes he is hinting at.

“Are you busy tonight?” Baekhyun asks after another beat of silence. Chanyeol has laid everything on the line, and it’s about time Baekhyun puts the guy out of his misery. (It’s about time Baekhyun lets himself take the leap.)

“No,” Chanyeol looks up expectantly, “but I thought you wanted slow?” He asks with a hint of confusion.

“Well,” Baekhyun drags out playfully, “I _am_ already committed to a little birthday get together with some friends…” Chanyeol nods a little dejectedly, “... but I’m short a date."

Chanyeol looks up quickly, his wide eyes matching the new wide smile on his lips.

“Oh? A handsome guy like you, without a date? Impossible.” Chanyeol plays along.

“I can’t understand it either,” Baekhyun tries to say with vibrato and a smirk, but betrays himself by giggling halfway through. “So what do you say?” Baekhyun holds out his hand -- and perhaps his heart -- in offering for Chanyeol to take.

“I say, it’d be a pleasure, Mr. Byun.” Chanyeol responds before placing his hand in Baekhyun’s pre-offered one, grinning like an idiot.

Baekhyun returns the smile, eyes curling into little crescents before he starts to lead Chanyeol down the sidewalk to the taxi stand.

 

 

 _“So it’s not too soon for hand holding. But what about birthday sex?"_

 _“Watch yourself, Park."_  


* * *


End file.
